Books: An Abridged Existence (excerpt)

Chapter 11

Sid sits at a table. The table is bare, except for the lone candle which illuminates Sid’s face. The walls of the room are barely visible under the flickering candle light. The light is insufficient to tell what color the walls are, or the texture. From what Sid can tell, there are no doors, windows, or vents in the room. However, he is not alone. A man who resembles Carl sits opposite of Sid, whose face is barely illuminated by the flickering candle. Neither of them speak. Sid looks up, and Carl mimics. Above them is the vast reaches of space. Nearly all stars are visible. Sid stands up, and pushes in his chair. An updraft catches him, and he is pulled from the room. The man who resembles Carl remains seated at the table, watching as Sid flies away.

As Sid flies higher and higher, the stars become fuzzy, and it begins to snow. A warm breeze comes from above Sid, and ice begins forming on his arms. Soon he is entirely encased in ice, and he begins to plummet into a giant bucket. He lands, and bounces, causing all of the ice encasing him to shatter and melt into water. A large spoon asks him if he is the queen of France. Sid responds that he feels like a Tuesday, and has brought his coat.

A giant banana approaches Sid through a doorway in the wall of the giant bucket.

“Who are you?” the giant yellow banana asks, in a high pitched squeaky voice, as it floats a few feet above the ground.

“I am Sid,” the man replies.

“Come with me,” the banana commands. Sid follows obediently.

The banana leads the man across a field of rusted car parts. A path made of seat covers crosses through this field of debris, which extends as far as one can see. They soon come to a giant hill made of burning tires. The banana bodes Sid to follow up the hill. A cold breeze turns the flaming tire pile into just a regular tire hill. Higher and higher they climb until at last they reach the summit. However, at the top of the pile is a giant gorilla. The giant gorilla grabs giant banana. The banana makes a high pitched squeaky scream. The gorilla proceeds to peel the banana, all the while it continues to screams. The gorilla bites off a large chuck of banana, and the banana stops making noise, and stops moving altogether. When the gorilla finishes eating the giant banana, it notices Sid.

“Make a wish, human,” the gorilla commands.

“I wish for a fish,” Sid requests.

“Too bad,” the gorilla replies, as it picks up Sid and throws him from the tire pile, which spontaneously erupts into flames once again. Sid flies for a long distance, before crashing into a piece of cheese, which immediately protests as being used for a landing pad for Sid. Sid pays no attention to the cheese, and promptly eats it. Sid looks around at his new surroundings, and sees a man who greatly resembles Carl standing by a road with his thumb out. Sid wanders over and begins to chit chat.