Books: An Abridged Existence (excerpt)

The tree leads the man into a large building. They enter a large dining hall, and sit at a table. A bowl of peanuts sits on the table, along with flowers and napkins. The man eats the flowers. The tree eats the peanuts and promptly is engulfed in flames. The tree melts into a puddle while the man watches. The puddle forms into a decently sized rock that is wearing a toga and sunglasses.

The rock moves over to a wooden floor and begins dancing. It is joined by a disco ball. Spotlights come one and start roving around the dance floor. A giant panda, also wearing a toga, sits down next to the man and offers him a peanut. However, the man declines. The panda then eats the peanuts and spontaneously combusts. The panda turns into a giant gray cloud, and begins floating around the room, eating random things. It floats over to the sink and eats the water, it goes to the dance floor and eats the disco ball, and it goes to a table and eats the chairs.

The panda cloud then forms into a pile of sand, and begins rolling around, getting itself on things. A vacuum follows after the sand, and eventually eats it all. The vacuum turns into a brown bear, which stands on its hind legs and dances with the rock.

The floor from under the man turns into a dark, black, bottomless (as far as he can tell) pit. He begins to fall, along with the table and his chair. He stands up, and walks up and out of the pit onto the carpeted floor. He walks towards the exit. But the exit runs away from him. He runs after the exit, but it keeps its distance. No matter how fast the man runs, the exit is always out of his reach. The man stops chasing the exit, and the exit stops moving. He picks up a long piece of rope, and throws it at the exit. It hits the exit, knocking it out. The man walks to the exit, opens its door, and walks out of the building.

He falls into the ocean. The waves are tall, but it is not stormy. The sun is bright, and the sea gulls circle over him. One seagull flies down and starts pecking at his head. He grabs onto the bird, and is picked up out of the water. He flies up high with the bird, and looks down below. He sees a desert island and lets go. He falls for several minutes before landing in the soft sand. There is a solitary palm tree on his island. He finds a bottle, and paper, and ink. He writes a note on the bottle, rolls it up, and stuffs it into a paper cup he folds with the parchment. He throws it down upon the land. A large ship immediately appears and rescues him from the island.